Here we go again, this is our 5th time participating in Missing GRACE's Hope and Hearts!
5th time. In the first few days after we lost Curtis, I remember wishing for time to pass. I knew that time would help. I knew the farther we could be from his birth and death, the less it would hurt.
Now, here we are....it is no longer May 31st, 2006. As I write this, it is mid May 2010. Our little boy is rapidly approaching his fourth birthday and, I gotta tell you, It still hurts. It isn't the same kind of raw pain that was in the first year after his loss, but it is still there. All the what ifs and what should have beens are never far from our minds. We miss Curtis, plain and simple.
I am sure all of you know our story, but in case you stumbled here or recently met me or reconnected with me, let me share my little boy. Curtis was our first child. My pregnancy with him was flawless. Towards the end, I complained a few times about no movement but a quick ultrasound showed nothing was wrong and I went about my day. Curtis was born still on May 31st, 2006. I was 40 weeks pregnant.
Craig and I were devastated. We came home to a house full of baby stuff. A full nursery prepared. Newborn diapers purchased. Daycare set up. Instead of staying up all night with a crying baby, we had to plan his funeral instead. We were hurt, we were confused, and we were lost. Curtis was a healthy baby boy with nothing wrong. How could we have not brought him home? How could I have been pregnant for nine months, given birth, and walked out empty handed?
It was hard to pick ourselves up. I look back on that time and realize how much we were suffering. In our grief, we were lucky to find the Missing GRACE foundation (MGF). We started to attend their support group where we met others with similar stories. Gradually, hope began to enter again. We learned there were ways to prevent cord accidents. We learned there were doctors who would help. We learned people cared. About us. About our son. About our future children.
After a miscarriage, we became pregnant with our daughter, Claudia. Through Missing GRACE, we found a wonderful OB who did everything in her power to get our daughter here. Through Missing GRACE, we also worked with Dr Collins and the pregnancy institute to have home monitoring during my pregnancy. Every night from 28 weeks, my OB and Dr. C watched our little girl. She was born screaming at 36 weeks....with a cord issue. She was starting to show some signs of distress when she was born. Luckily, thanks to the MGF and the doctors they put us in touch with, Claudia was born screaming. Her cord issue was caught in time.
We loved having a child in our arms so much. In the Spring of 2009, we tried again. I became pregnant with a little boy, our second son. The pregnancy with him was debilitating. We learned at 28 weeks he had a cord issue, it was a rough, rough time. We once again used our fabulous OB and Dr Collins' home monitoring program through the Pregnancy Insitute. After a rough few weeks, Cole was born screaming.
We have two children on Earth. We know without Missing GRACE we would have never known about our OB or home monitoring. We know Claudia and Cole would not be in our arms. Without Missing GRACE we would have not been able to remember our first child.
The Hope and Hearts walk means the world to us .It is our time to remember. We remember Curtis and we get to celebrate Claudia and Cole. Please donate to Missing GRACE in honor of my babies. It helps me so much to know Curtis is remembered. Help Missing GRACE continue to help families...I cannot even begin to list the wonderful things they do to hurting families. Please visit them here: www.missingrace.org to see more about Curtis, please go here: http://curtis-roger.memory-of.com/About.aspx
Thank you for visiting my fundraising page!
We are richer, by far, to have held you a moment than to have never held you at all.
We Miss you, Curtis.
Love,
The Jullies
Chantel, Craig, Claudia, and Cole