Living One Day At A Time...

They say time heals all wounds but I find that to be impossible when thinking of Fiona. 

As most of you know reading this page we lost Fiona just a few days before her due date, her reason for going to heaven remains unknown.  This pregnancy was especially exciting for us.  There were some major changes in the Burke house: 

1) The Burkes move south of the river to get that 4 bedrooms on one level, I always dreamed of and let me tell you that’s not easy when you’re married to an Edina cake eater.

2) Sold the car and got the 3 row seating, yep it was official we where becoming that family.

3) The BIGGEST deal ever Patrick would be 1 year sober for the arrival of Burke baby #3.  Finally the all American dream I had dreamed about since I was a little girl. 

We decided to keep the sex of Fiona a surprise so I would go to all my doctor appointments and listen to the heart beat and wonder if the old wives tales were true. I was happier then ever when I had to go to my 39th week check up hoping to talk the doctor into inducing me.  When I arrived at the doctors office everything was normal as usual but I did mention to the doctor I hadn’t felt our baby move much lately. A lot happened to Fiona and I at that doctor’s appointment and none of it was good.  They ran a stress test on me first and we didn’t have any luck with that so next they rolled in the ultra sound and at the time I was just hoping they were not going to slip and tell me the sex of our baby just laying there in total denial that anything was wrong.  After my doctor put in some hard work on the ultra sound he shook his head and gave me the big “i’m sorry”  I thought what the heck are you sorry about? What?? I’m confused I was thinking babies can go to heaven this far along? He then told me I needed to call my husband to pick me up.  I sat in a small room with a box of Kleenex on my lap waiting for Patrick to arrive.  Finally, Patrick arrived and I broke the news that our baby no longer had a heart beat we both sat there in total disbelief crying.  We were given a few unpleasant options but decided to deliver that day.  I was in labor for over 11 hours hoping my doctor was wrong.  Finally it was time to meet our baby and before I even looked to see the sex of our baby I looked down at her to see if she was breathing but unfortunately my doctor was right she was a beautiful angel. We were lucky enough to be able to spend a few hours with Fiona to hug her and kiss her and tell her how much we love her. I was able to spend about 15 minututes of alone time with her and in those 15 minutes I told her how sorry I was and how much I loved her and I took off her pants and looked at her sweet little legs and I promised her that I would never forget her beautiful face.

I think about that day every day since she was born it plays in my head over and over.  I wish I could go back and change some of the things that happened and some of the things that didn’t happen but the painful truth is I can’t.  There are several things I miss about Fiona even simple things like being able to hear or say her name without that horrible pain of loss.  Its really not easy being an angles mom but I have managed to figure out some ways to get me through the emptiness I feel.  

I am shocked to know that there are over 40,000 babies born as angels every year in the United States alone!!

I have become very involved with the Hope and Hearts run I manage the volunteers for this run and have a huge “Team Fiona” that’s involved with this run.  The Burke family appreciates any donations made in Fiona’s honor for this wonderful cause please check out there website www.hopeandheartsrun.org and look at pictures from last years event.    

I learned the word “recovery” pretty quickly being married into the Burke family but I never thought I would be in “recovery” mode.  

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

 "we saw an angel of that we are sure” 

We appreciate you visiting our daughter’s page!!  

With Love, 

Fiona’s Family 

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