This year I walk in memory of her.

I don't talk about her. I try not to think about her. I even stopped visiting with her family. I'm still hurt. I'm still angry. I'm still heart-broken.

I don't talk or think about her because it hurts - I want to stop writing this because the tears won't stop. I can still remember her voice, her laugh, her face.

We had a special relationship. I could tell her anything and I did. She had a unique perspective on life and always knew what to say when I needed advice without ever actually giving me advice (smile). I don't know how she did that. I could be vulnerable around her; express my fears, my weaknesses, my mistakes. She never judged me.

She loved to look good. She loved her silver jewelry; she always wore a million rings and bracelets. She was beautiful both inside and out. And she REALLY LOVED her family and her 5 babies - her cats :)

It's been over a year and I still don't open up to anyone - not like I did with her. She really loved me and I truly loved her. I would tell her that I wanted her pain to end; that I knew she was ready and at peace and that I wanted what she wanted - and I meant it - and I didn't.

The last time I saw her was Dec. 4, 2007. I dropped her off some chocolates on that last Birthday. I still marked Dec. 4 on my calendar in 2008 and this year too...I don't know why.

I miss her. I still don't want to talk about her or think about her too much. I still can't...but today I've allowed myself to feel; to cry; to laugh; to remember; and to be grateful for the time we did have together.

I walk to make the world have to think about her and remember her.

Her name was Gail. She was a loving mother, wife, and my friend.